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Archive for April, 2011

This is my fourth post and I am already ripping off peoples blog ideas. That is a fail. My friend and roommate had a blog post today that I really enjoyed. She blogged about how she can be very critical of herself and how she is trying to love herself more. She then listed the things that she loved about herself. I think this is something that could be beneficial to everyone. We all have days where we get down on ourselves but we have to remember that while we all have our faults we are all beautiful in our own ways. Without our faults we would be boring people. Anyway taking a page out my friends book I am going to talk about the things I like about me. Physically I am a fan of my long luscious locks of hair… oh wait I am not bringing much to table in the hair department but think of the money I save in shampoo. Seriously though I think I have nice eyes. They change colors between green and blue depending on my mood and is something I get compliments on. I love that I am tall. When I walk into a room and can see over everyone’s heads it puts a smile on my face. Also like my friend I am a fan of my calves. I am not sure what that is about. Maybe it is just a weird thing with runners. I guess I am a calves snob.

Moving on to personality which is where it really counts. I think that I am someone people can count on. I like that people come to me with their problems because they know I will listen and keep my mouth shut. I don’t always know what to say but I am always there to support the people in my life. I am honest which kind of ties into the first thing I said. When people come to me they know I am going to give them an honest answer. There are some people who might actually find that to be a character flaw but any friendship built upon lies and capitulation is no friendship I want to be a part of. I like that I can get along with almost anybody. Over the last year I have met new groups of people every week and have succeeded in getting along with and helping them in what is a stressful time in their life. I like that with as many reasons as life has give me to be cynical about love I am still a hopeless romantic. I like sappy love stories. I will watch You’ve got Mail and When Harry met Sally whenever they are on T.V.

Now that I have these things out there about myself I would encourage everyone to make a list of things they like about themselves. You don’t have to post it online for the world to see. You can put it on the dashboard of your car or inside of your favorite book. It doesn’t matter but do it for you.

Another thing that I would encourage people to try is throughout their day find three things that they like about the people around them and compliment them on it. Think about how good you feel when somebody compliments you on your shirt or your hair or whatever. Spread a little bit of love around. I have not been good about doing this in the past partially because I am shy and partially because I was afraid that if it was a woman I was complimenting they would think I was just saying it in an attempt to sleep with them. Lol. First of all that is ridiculous and second of all if I was saying that in an attempt to sleep with a girl would that really be the worst thing in the world. I mean really now I can’t be single forever. Anyway back to my original point, brighten up peoples day with compliments and maybe you will brighten your own in turn.

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Honesty

I feel like almost everyone thinks that they are an honest person but they don’t go much beyond that. The reality of life is that no one is completely honest 100% of the time. We all tell little lies throughout our day. Everything from telling your boyfriend/girlfriend that they do look good in that when nobody looks good all the time to lying  about where have you been. This is something I have given a great deal of thought. In my past I have not always been as honest a person as I would like to be. I didn’t really like outright too much but I lied by omission far to much. I mention all of this because I have made a real effort over the last year to be more honest with others and myself. I have stopped letting myself be taken advantage of because I was too scared to speak up because I didn’t want to rock the boat. I am still laid back about a lot of things but I no longer let myself be walked over. If somebody asked me a question I answer them honestly. I still am tactful because the truth can be very ugly if put to bluntly. I know this may not seem like a big deal to most people but it is huge to me. I look back on the person I was and a few years ago and I don’t recognize or like that person. I was unhappy with myself  physically and mentally and I took it out on the world. There were a lot of reasons for this, some I have discussed previously and some I will discuss in a later post but the bottom line is that I look back and feel like I was acting for like 3 years. Acting is just another way to lie. I can’t tell you how liberating it is now that I am forthright with people and with myself.  I am happier now than I ever thought I would be 3 years ago.

Does this all mean that I never lie now? Absolutely not. In the day to day world I do feel like I am honest even when people don’t always like that but there are times where I am not completely honest with people. I really do try but I fail sometimes. There is really only one particular thing in my life that I can’t be honest about. I am not going to discuss it here because I don’t think this is the right forum. Needless to say I have made excuses for not being honest. They may actually be legitimate excuses for not saying things that might hurt myself and other people but they are excuses nonetheless. One day hopefully sooner rather than later I will man up and put everything out there. It may end in pain but at least I would not think on  a daily basis that I am a honest man that lies to himself.

As I read back over this post I think again that I am rambling and not always making a great deal of sense. It makes me question even doing this blog, but I do feel a certain calmness as I put my thoughts down on paper(so to speak). It makes life not seem quite as intimidating as it can be at times and maybe in the end it will help me truly become the honest man I want to be. How awesome would that be.

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The work situation

I wish that I could remember the point in my life when I went from working to have spending money to working because I had to. Maybe there was not an exact moment. Perhaps it was like so many things in life, a gradual shift that you only realize when it is too late.

I started working at Drug Warehouse in Sapulpa a month after turning 16. I applied there basically because I did not want to work fast food and there are few other options available to a 16-year-old.  I started at $5.50 and was working part-time. I quickly started working over 30 hours a week because I became friends with the Manager who I believe was only 19 himself. That was an interesting time in my life. I had of course never dealt with the public and really did not know what to make of the whole situation. I distinctly remember that it was very difficult to call people sir or ma’am. It felt very strange on my tongue. I got over that eventually. An interesting thing about working in a drug store is that people assume you know about drugs. Why any person thinks that this over weight baby-faced 16-year-old knows about diet pills is beyond me but regardless I got a lot of questions about medicine. I always referred them to the pharmacist but it fascinated me to listen to the pharmacist make recommendations to people. I was so impressed with that that my interest in pharmacy grew. I believe that at that time I wanted to be a lawyer. The law interested me. Frankly it still does but I found myself being drawn in a different direction. The summer after graduating high school I went to the pharmacy and began working as a pharmacy cashier. A few months after that I became a registered technician and started college at Tulsa Community College taking pre-pharmacy courses. A pharmacy technician for those interested can count pills and take refills from dr’s. A pharmacist must check their work. A great number of people seem to be getting into the pharmacy technician field which I don’t understand because it is not glamorous at all.

For the next four years or so I continued to work as a technician while attending school and beginning to date Amanda, my future ex-wife. I didn’t try as hard in school as I should have. I found that I could coast by and my primary focus became Amanda. I will talk about all of that and my year of school at OSU in a later post. Suffice to say I found myself at the beginning of 2009 out of school because I owed money to the government and OSU so I was working strictly as a technician. To state it simply I was miserable. I was very very good at my job and took on more and more responsibility but at the end of the day I was bored and felt like I wasn’t being challenged. I began pushing for something more within the company. In April 2010 I received a call for the VP of eastern pharmacy operations offering me the position of trainer for the Crx roll-out. Crx was the new pharmacy program the company is converting to and the company needed people to go around to stores and train them on it. I accepted the position and the nice raise that went along with it. I was excited because I felt like finally I was going to be challenged. The official roll-out started June 21, 2010 and I have done an install every week up to this point excluding the last half of December and January. I have grown as a person over the last year. I have gone into a new store every week and met new people. Some I liked, some I did not but it was always interesting. Those experiences I will take with me always.  I met a lot of corporate people who I knew by name only. I earned the respect of these people. One of my greatest flaws has served me well in this position. I hold myself to a high standard, sometime to high and take things to personally sometimes. If I am training a store I feel personally responsible for them and partially because of that I work very hard at my stores to make sure they can excel when I leave.

Here is where I stand at the moment: At the end of May the roll-out wraps up. I don’t know what I am doing when this is done. I will have a job but not necessarily the one I want. There has been talk of a position in IT which would require me to move to Little Rock. There has also been some talk of a position running a program around Tulsa that I can’t go into here. The position in Little Rock would probably be better for me but I don’t want to move. I will if I have to but I am very happy with my living situation at the moment. I realize though that things always change in life and that my living situation won’t stay the same forever and that I must do whats best for me even if it hurts.  I hate that I don’t know what I am doing in 5 weeks but I guess I should be thankful that I have a job. There are so many people out there right now out of work. I have a friend that is graduating Vet school and can’t find a job. People who work as hard a she has to get where she is should not have to struggle to get a job. That is what I tell myself when I am irritated with the work situation.

Hopefully I will find out something about my future job in the next few weeks. I would also like to get back into college at some point. I paid off the government but still owe money to OSU. If I went back to school I am not sure what I would study. I still love pharmacy but may have messed things up to badly to ever get into pharmacy school. I would like to take some computer classes as well. I have learned some about hardware and IT things doing the installs and would like to learn more. It would be great if I had that opportunity. I will keep everyone posted.

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Test Run

So I am going to give this whole blogging thing a shot. Why would I do something crazy like that you may ask. Well maybe not. I doubt that most people give much thought as to why I do most of what I do. I am doing this for me. Pure and simple. I would like a place to write and get my thoughts out there. I considered just writing in an actual paper journal but come on who really does that any more. It is the age of technology and I am trying to embrace it. Plus I think that by actually having a record out there in the universe I will hold myself more accountable about writing. I go through life and I sometimes find it hard to express myself vocally. I have things I want so say but I struggle to do so and I hope that by writing I can make myself more understood… if sometimes only to myself.

Anybody who knows me at all will be surprised by me doing a blog. I have in the past been a very private person. While I have opened myself up more in the past few years I still tend to hold back. At one point in the past I had a dead journal which was a online journal which I and some of my friends used to post in. This was at a time when we did not see as much of each other because we were at college. We used it as a way to stay in touch and I really enjoyed it when I actually used it. I guess this blog could be considered a progression of that original dead journal.

So is this blog going to be exciting? Hmm probably not. I hope that at times it will be funny and interesting and that it may make people think about the world around them and their own lives, but I am not delusional. I am not a writer and my life is not that interesting. I am not complaining, just stating facts. If I am the only one who takes anything from this then I am OK with that.

A little background on me: I am 25 years old and work as a Crx trainer for USA Drug. We are installing a new computer system and I have been traveling around to our stores training them on the new computer system for the last year. That will wrap up in a few weeks and I don’t know what I am doing beyond that but more on that later. I graduated from Beggs High School in 2003 and attended college on off again for a few years. I started dating a girl named Amanda when I was 19 and married her when I was 22. She was my first serious relationship and I was hers. After 2 months of marriage she decided that she had not been able to live her life enough before getting married and she left me. I blamed myself entirely at the time and for quite a while after wards. It screwed me up bad for a few years but luckily I have a great group of friends who stuck with me and feel like I am in a good place now.

When the start of 2009 rolled around I weighed 361.6 lbs and was not happy with myself or my life. Luckily at that time my friend Lisa asked me to join weight watchers with her. I started attending meetings and losing weight. I then started walking and then jogging. In July 2009 I walked my first 5k and in September 2009 I jogged my first 5k. In May 2010 I hit my goal weight of 200 lbs. I have been able to maintain that up to this point. It is not always easy and my weight fluctuates up or down 5 lbs but at the end of the day I maintain. On the running front I am jogging the OKC half-marathon next Sunday which I am excited and somewhat scared about. I have trained and I am ready but still the thought of jogging 13 miles is still overwhelming.

I am a big cinephile ( fancy way of saying I like movies) and one of my biggest accomplishments is watching the American Film Institute’s Top 100 american films of all time. I also enjoy reading. I read a wide spectrum of books ranging from sci-fi to mystery novels. I also read comics. Yeah totally a big fan of comics. I think I have listed all of the nerdy things I am into. I used to be a little embarrassed that I was into so called “nerdy” things but it doesn’t bother me anymore. I am OK with who I am. If anybody has a problem with me that is their lost because I am a pretty awesome person. Although I do say awesome too much. I blame How I Met your Mother for that one.

Reading back over this post I find that I rambled on quite a bit. I want to go into more detail on a lot of the things I wrote about but for today I just wanted to get the ball rolling on this.

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